


AWOL

by ToTheMax



Category: The Walking Dead (Telltale Video Game)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-29
Updated: 2020-02-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:07:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22946014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToTheMax/pseuds/ToTheMax
Summary: Ten feet tall behind your wallTelling yourself that you're not smallRoll yourself into a tight ballYou can't be lost if you've gone AWOL
Kudos: 7





	AWOL

**Author's Note:**

> So this is a little one shot for my oc Raven! They're a kid that got pretty much adopted by Lilly after she got kicked out of the season 1 gang and this is when Raven had to make a really hard choice and leave Lilly behind when they joined the Delta. I really associate Other Worlds Than These by Starset with Raven and decided to pretty much integrate it into their backstory lmao, I hope you like!

“I’m not small.”

Raven stared into the eyes of their reflection through dim white light in an otherwise dark room, watching as a drop of blood rolled down their face between their eyes. They felt it travel over their skin, leaving a trail of red like a badge of shame. The sting from the wound itself was hardly present, as what hurt more was Raven’s heart as it pounded in their throat. 

“I’m not weak,” Raven whispered, tearing their eyes away from their reflection finally, pacing about their room. They knew it was a quiet night, as there were no marching footsteps or dull conversation on the other side of their door.

"I'm not pathetic." Raven kicked the blanket off of their mattress on the floor, stooping down and grabbing their knife, protected by a leather sheath. Their heart jabbed with another ache as they picked up their backpack and slipped the knife inside. 

Then, they took their blanket and started folding and rolling it up to a reasonable size. they paused when something flopped out of the folds and landed on the bed.

Tears welled in their eyes as they knelt down and picked up the beaten and scrappy stuffed panda, and they sniffled as memories of who gave it to them filled their mind.

_ "Here, I thought you'd like it." _

Lilly places the panda on Raven's lap, smiling when the kid took it in their hands. "It was in some convenience store I came by."

Raven smiles, and they flop the panda's arms. "He's so cute, I love him!"

"I'm glad you do." Lilly smiles and tucks a lock of hair behind Raven's ear.

Then, Raven  sets the stuffed animal down. "I got you something, too."

"Really?" Lilly sits down as Raven rummages through sheets of loose paper, and they pull out a drawing. She takes it from their hands, her heart swelling. 

It's a drawing of her, a wide smile on her face and… "Am I wearing a cape?"

Raven nods eagerly. "Yeah! I drew you as a superhero, so you need a cape to fly. Like Superman!"

Lilly nods at the drawing, biting the inside of her cheek to stop tears from pricking her eyes.. "It's very nice, Raven. Thank you." She sets the drawing aside, looking among the torn walls of the house they managed to snag for the time being. "I think I'll be able to let you come along next time. Sound good?"

Raven nods, hugging the panda to their chest. "Yeah. I don't like staying in the house."

"I know," Lilly says, hanging her head. "It's just to keep your safe. I don't know what I'd do if you got bit."

Raven leans into their guardian's shoulder, staring at the floor. "I'm not gonna get bit. You're good at protecting me."

Lilly pauses, feeling Raven's little body against her. She reaches her arm out and hugs Raven closer. "Glad to know I'm doing good," she finally says. She then looks down at Raven, meeting their eye. "You think you can help me next time I go out?"

Raven nodded. "Yeah, I can!"

"Good." Lilly smiles. "Because I think I'm gonna need it from now on."

Raven blinks back to reality, and they're clutching the little panda as tight as they can. A tear falls from their chin, as does a drop of blood. They both land on the panda's face, and Raven watches the blood spread into a fair-sized drop. They sigh and stuff it into their bag.

They go to lift their mattress, but footsteps approaching their room made them freeze that action and sit down, pretending like they were just about to go to sleep. 

The door opened right as Raven spread their blanket enough to be believable. They looked up with their heart pounding.  _ Of course it's her. This is gonna be so hard. _

"Are you okay?" Lilly asked softly. She stepped into the room, and stopped in front of Raven. "You're still bleeding."

Raven shook their head. "'Sall right," they said. "It doesn't even hurt anymore."

"Still." Lilly knelt down when Raven didn't stand. She reached out and brushed her thumb across their forehead, and Raven sighed and leaned into the touch. "I'm sorry, kiddo. If I knew that he was gonna do that…" 

"I don't like it here," Raven whined, opening their eyes to meet Lilly's. "Can't we go somewhere else?"

Lilly shook her head. "Raven, these people have everything we need. They may be a little rough around the edges, but if you just fall in line you'll be okay."

Raven's chin quivered. "I wasn't even doing anything."

"I know-"

"What if next time is worse?" Raven interrupted. "What if he throws something bigger?"

"I won't let him," Lilly promised. "I won't let anyone hurt you."

"They already have," Raven spat.

Lilly took her hand away from Raven's face. "Listen, I hate this war that's kicking up dust as much as you do, but would rather go back to a house with three walls and no lights? Do you wanna go back to having one can of corn last three days?"

Raven reached a hand up and grasped at the collar of their jacket, not answering in words.

"The only reason we're staying is because of resources. You dont come across communities like this every day- we hit a lucky break, Raven."

"I know…" Raven shifted uncomfortably, suddenly very aware of the stack of MREs under their mattress. 

"We're only staying because this is the only way you're gonna survive this world. I'm doing this for you."

_ Did you ever stop to think about what I even want? _ But they didn't say that. That was selfish. Lilly had put her life on the line more than enough times for Raven. But... 

"It's gonna take a lot for me to get comfortable living here," they finally said. "I-I don't... these people scare me, Lilly."

"Hey." Lilly stood up straight, hands in her pockets. "Try and get some sleep, okay? It'll be a lot better in the morning, when Abel's off his high horse."

Raven nodded, pulling the blanket over their legs. "'Kay."

"And trust me: next time Abel or any of those bitches out there lays a finger on you, they're gonna hear from me."

Raven smiled, trying to hide their tears with a swipe of their hair. "Yeah... it's never pretty when you get mad."

Lilly took that as a cue to leave, and stepped back, but hesitated with her hand on the doorknob. "Raven?"

The kid looked up, a tear rolling down their cheek when they saw the gentle smile they've known for so long. "Yeah...?"

"I love you."

_ God, how hard are you going to make this? _

"Love you too, Lill'." And they meant it.

The second Lilly closed the door, Raven threw their blanket off, unable to fight back the sobs that made their lungs pound harder.

Their heart weighed heavier than ever before as they stuffed package after package of MRE's into the smaller compartment of their backpack. Then, they zipped that and opened the main compartment, filled with more stolen canned goods, personal items, and lying on top was their stuffed panda. They took their knife out, deciding it was better to keep at their belt than in their backpack.

They sat on their mattress, folding their blanket over again so it was small enough to fit in the backpack. They kept their eyes on their dresser, lit up by the unblinking white light. Littering the edges of the mirror were all the pictures they drew as a younger kid, everything Lilly managed to keep.

And now they were leaving it.

They shouldered their burgeoning backpack, taking one last look at themself through the mirror.

"I'm not small." They wiped the blood from their face, bearing through a roar of pain from their forehead.

"I'm not weak." They tightened their belt, laying a hand on the handle of their knife.

"And I am  _ not  _ pathetic." They locked eyes with their reflection, telling it these things like it could hear. Then, their eyes trailed to a childish drawing, one depicting them and Lilly, holding hands side by side. The text at the top read 'Toogether Forever.'

"What I am... is sorry."

They took it off the mirror and, before they could tell themself to stop, tore a chunk off the side to write a message. 

With a pen, inky black, they wrote what they've been repeating to themself ever since Abel threw the fucking rock at them.

**_You can't be lost if you've gone AWOL_ ** .


End file.
